I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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