When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
