I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
