That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
