Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i love accidental penises.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
