He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i think my cat just said my name.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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