So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
