He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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