Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
