Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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