I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
