I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
