You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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