my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
