I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
