I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Randomize
