you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
