I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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