Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
