You just made me feel so damn special
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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