He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
