i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
