What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
