so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
