So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
