i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
