the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
