I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Your penis caused this!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
