Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
