If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
PANTIES FOUND
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