i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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