Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
