How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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