Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
