Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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