5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Drunk is a universal language darling
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