dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
