Can Purell be used as lube?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize