I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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