Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
