peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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