When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
