You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
