first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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