shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
