It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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