what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize