when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
