textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
