I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
worst night to have a conscience
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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