Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
