so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You work out of a Hotel?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize