if only i could text you this smell
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
