I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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