good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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