First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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