none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
