I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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