I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
