I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
