Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
