That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize