there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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