Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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