I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
